Can't touch this

I don't know about the rest of you but I have found it nearly impossible to blog lately. Either that or I haven't had anything to exciting to post about. That said, I came home from work the other day and the girls greeted me with "mommy, mommy see what I made, see what I made, come, hurry". They were screaming (yes, screaming) and jumping and falling all over themselves to show me what they had made. I was so taken by how much it meant for them to show me their creation that for a moment I forgot how tired and exhausted I was. As I stood and watched them I realized how so very precious life is. My heart melted watching them squeal and giggle as they tugged and pulled on me to come see what they had made. Their little faces flushed with so much happiness it literally took my breath away. They had (with the help of Mai) made the most spectacular paper vases complete with the most perfect butterflies I had ever seen. Yes, I'm the mommy, but they really are talented.

Yesterday the girls and I were outside playing with their "marco" (chalk) as it is something that I discovered washes off easily and doesn't stain their clothing. Unlike markers, and some paints. lol. I don't know if I should be worried by their love of the graffiti, but I thought it was beautiful. Abbey not only knows how to recite the alphabet but can write it too as well as her name. Katie thinks she can spell her name too, the only problem is she spells her name

A-B-B-E -Y , and then exclaims "Katie"! She constantly keeps us laughing.

I had my hair done (third time since April!) yesterday trying to repair the damage that my emotionally distraught hair dresser had done. My hair has been the punching bag in her personal life drama. I was puzzled why I was being forced back in the salon weeks of just having my hair done due to the unsightly growth (wtf?)when I've only ever had it highlighted 4-5 times a year. I surprisingly discovered she had been putting bleach on my hair! So, you say "big deal". Yeah, it is. I am a blond naturally. Dirty. Blond. Needless to say the frequency to which I had to schedule these touch-up visits was costing me a fortune! I finally sought a second opinion four weeks ago. This is when I realized why I had root problems and I was looking more and more like Pamela Anderson without the body! She had literally stripped all the color from my hair. I didn't have a hair on my head that wasn't touched with bleach. Of course the second opinion would cost me a cool 170.00 and before tip! Not only did I not tip, (gasp) but I walked out of there wondering what I had paid for. She had not fixed the problem either! I still had a root problem. So, last week I could not stand it any longer. I can live with a bad cut. But, not color. I'm a freak! I stopped by the new salon Salon Cielo and Spa that had opened in the swanky town center minutes from my home. They advertised "A slice of Heaven". It just sounded expensive. I forged ahead. They had their price (al la carte-- of course) out on display for all to see--unlike the other salons where they made them up depending upon what you drove up in. They clearly wanted to weed out those who couldn't afford the privilege of their services. Prices were in line with what I had paid previously. They might have been slightly more, but if they could fix the damage, I would sign over my house as collateral and throw in our investment property as a tip! I proceeded to explain my plight to the gorgeous sweet smiling toothy brunette behind the desk. I even went so far to say "I understand you're supposed to say there all excellent, BUT I need your best"! She smiled sweetly and without hesitation said "that would be Chris, but he books up quickly". Without missing a beat I scheduled right there on the spot! I arrived at the salon early so as to have time to explain my situation to the "miracle worker". We hit it off perfectly as I soon realized he too was from Florida. He sat and listened intently as I explained my plight to him. When I finished he nodded and matter of factly stated what needed to be done. There was no question about it. I fell in love with this gorgeous gay man right there on the spot. I knew I was in good hands. He not only delivered but he was competent, and self assured and most importantly knew his shit! He went so far to stress that it would take a couple of visits to get my hair back to it's natural state. When he finished I was speechless. I was ecstatic to the point of gushing it looked that good! I refrained from kissing him as I didn't want him to think I was totally insane. Picture below taken minutes after arriving home.... I love it, love it, love it....

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

A Dear blogger friend forwarded this to me and I couldn't resist. I've never laughed so hard. Why? Because my mother (true story) use to write our dates license plates down and then threaten to call the police if we weren't home by midnight Imagine my horror arriving late one night (4:00am) to see a cruiser in the driveway with lights flashing!!! Oh pity Katie and Abbey.....

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME _________________________
DATE OF BIRTH ____________
HEIGHT ________ WEIGHT _________
IQ __________ GPA _________
SOCIAL SECURITY #______________
DRIVERS LICENSE #____________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES________________________
HOME ADDRESS_____________________________________
CITY/STATE _________________________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If No, explain: ______________________________________________ ____________________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________
If less than your age, explain: ______________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you? ____________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you? ____________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you? ____________________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ________________________________________
How often you attend ______________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? ____________
mother? ___________
pastor? ____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
__________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
__________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
__________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
__________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
_________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
__________________________________________________
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________________________ Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________ Mother's Signature
________________________________ Father's Signature
_______________________________ Pastor/Priest/ Rabbi
________________________________ State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back).

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.
Daddy's Rules for Dating Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're surely not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing or holding hands. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

I'm still laughing..........more because I made Mai's boyfriend come inside to meet us when she first started dating him! OMG. I am my mother too... *snort*