Going Back

After a five-month hiatus, I returned to Weight Watchers on Saturday. I had decided to take some time off and re-evaluate my path, so to speak.  I had a few reasons:
  1. I like to go to Yoga on Saturday mornings (historically I have gone to WW meetings on Saturday mornings) and didn't feel I could afford both. 
  2. I wasn't making any progress.
  3. I got tired of thinking about what I eat every second of the day.
During my hiatus, I continued to eat very much like I do when I am "on program" but worried less about extra snacks and whatnot. When I weighed in on Saturday, I was relieved to learn that I only weighed a few pounds more than I did on my last official weigh-in in December. Now, I should add that my goal is not just to be "not that fat" but to lose weight.  So, the gain was nothing to be proud of, but at least I didn't increase my girth significantly.

I knew that if I was going to go back, something would have to change. I finally figured out what that change would be. When I first joined Weight Watchers in 2005, I was motivated by those early losses and seeing my weight drop each week. It was hard work (and yes, there is some deprivation involved - I don't care what anybody says) and I liked hearing my name on the awards list pretty regularly. Then I reached Lifetime status (my goal weight) and started maintenance. If losing is hard, maintenance is a monumental struggle. My weight went up and down. I refocused myself at the end of 2008, got back to my goal weight, and held it for ten months. Starting in the fall of 2009, some job-related drama gave me more stress than I was capable of handling, and my weight crept back up.

For the next two years, I continued to attend meetings but didn't make a lot of progress. My wonderful WW leader, Holly, offered to let me declare a new starting weight and, essentially, make a fresh start. I refused. And I was adamant about it. I felt like it was all part of the same journey (MY journey) and that I needed to be mindful of my original starting weight.  However, I've changed my mind. I need to focus on getting to a new place, not getting back to where I already was. Hence, I walked into the meeting last week and started over. I'm not proud of it, and I don't weigh nearly as much as I did back in 2005, but I think this tactic may help me to refocus.

My car will be paid off in July (it is thinking about breaking down, though, I can feel it) so I feel a little less guilty about spending money on WW and yoga, but I think I need both. We'll see how it goes. So far, so good.

Only a crazy person rejoins Weight Watchers right before they leave for Disney World, though, right? I guess the good news is that, from what everyone tells me, I won't be able to afford to eat anything at Disney World anyway.