"I don't know."

Lately, Kerri has been asking a lot of questions about her birth family. Questions that I cannot answer, and probably never will be able to. And I am forced to reply with a very frustrating "I don't know".

I wish I knew. I really do. But sometimes, I am afraid. What if my daughter was not given up willingly, but taken away because of the one child policy in China against her bio family's wishes? What if she was sold by her birth parents? What if she was stolen for financial gain? I will never know. And I am not ready to tell this to Kerri yet. She thinks she was abandoned at the train station by her birth family, which is what we were told probably happened. But the reality is that we do not know if that was the case or not. And when Kerri is ready, we will share our thoughts and feelings with her, but right now I do not see a need to cause her any more pain.

Sometimes I think about her birth mother, and wonder. If she did not abandon her child, I cannot even fathom the grief and pain she must be feeling. I want her to know what a precious, beautiful child Kerri is. I want to show her just how much Kerri is loved and wanted. I want her to know Kerri is my daughter too, even if she was not born in my tummy. And that Kerri is proud to be Chinese, and loves learning about her heritage. And although we live a very western lifestyle, we do incorporate Chinese customs and traditions in our home and lives, and we celebrate the Chinese holidays. We thank her ancestors for watching over her. And we are so very grateful that destiny has given us this amazing little girl to raise as our very own.

I don't know a great many things. But I know that Kerri is somebody special, and we will make sure she has every opportunity we can provide for her to fulfill her own destiny. And I know we love and cherish our daughter.

Life with Kerri knows this for certain.