Do I remember?

Someone asked recently if I would share our adoption story. I must admit I was a bit stunned then flattered. I mean, someone wanted to know our story. I've never thought of us as all that interesting(yes, jaded and sarcastic--me that is) or exciting so I guess I was a surprised. We're like so many other families. Dysfunctional. Don't hide your head in the sand. We all have our problems. Even the best of families. Some not as noticeable as others. But we manage to get through the day with a smile and in some cases a bwaha bwaha. Some days are fucking harder than others. That's why wine was invented....for mommy. *wink*

For those of you who don't know I married the boy next door. Yes, it's true. Back Street Boys with the sheer babe factor. He was more than I'd hoped for in a partner and lover. No need to go there.... We began our friendship as friends. Just friends. After all he was 10 years my junior. But he became much more than that. My confidant. My companion. And yes, my friend. We did everything together. He even tagged along as I did my Christmas shopping. This before I knew that he was Jewish. I adored him. Still do. The love was just so natural. I knew I would be his wife long before he did. What I didn't expect after so many years of being single and alone was that we would not be able to conceive our own children. For anyone who has experienced this you know all too well the feeling of loss for something you've never had. A real emptiness. After many, many test and the results always the same, "inconclusive" my doctor told me what I already suspected. My time had passed. I had expired eggs. Damn old effin' eggs. I had left my first marriage almost 10 years earlier just barely 30 because he didn't desire to have children. Now here I was with the man I loved and I couldn't give him children. I was not prepared for this. I didn't expect not to have my own children.

With a lot of soul searching we decided we still wanted a family and now more than ever. We made the decision to adopt and yes we (me with a little prodding) asked for twins. Jeff was nervous. But, not me. I said, "what would it hurt to ask"? Right? Besides our agency had cautioned us that the odds were so very slim. We were approved to adopt twins. We somehow passed that test. We didn't put much faith at all at being matched with twins however. I had read the statistics(lowest multiple rate of all countries) for adopting twins from China. It did not look good. This is about the time I met her. She said we fit the profile. No children and the extra criteria nexessary for twins. She said we would get twins. How could she know? She was so sure. I on the other hand didn't want to believe. Oh, how my agency must have hated my repeated calls to remind them of my desire to adopt twins.(I didn't want them to forget about me). I remember her telling me one day don't call anymore. What, I don't understand. She said "they know, don't worry". I wanted to believe. I did not want to get my hopes up. So, we only chose one name. I didn't want to allow myself to be disappointed when we got the call and there was just one baby. I wanted to be happy whatever we were matched with. I had heard of families who were angry or disappointed for not being matched with twins. They are out there and yes I've met them. So sad....

After many excruciating delays lost packages and anxiety we finally received word that the "Stork had landed". I was working that day. We knew we would be getting a phone call regarding our referral we just didn't know when. It was January 25th 2006. I fought it with all that I had but I could not concentrate on work. It was just too difficult. I could not focus. I was jumpy. I kept looking at the clock. I did not want them to call me on my way home from work in rush hour traffic. Not D.C. traffic. I remember looking at the clock. It was 4:59pm. I was agitated. No, I was pissed. I had not gotten the call yet. I had seen on the group site(you all know of this I'm sure) I belonged to the referrals had started rolling in. There were no reports of twins. I had a sinking feeling we were not going to be matched with twins. I started to log off my computer when the phone rang. My heart nearly stopped. As I write this the feelings all come hauntingly back to me as if it were yesterday. I looked at the caller I.D. on my phone. It was my agency. My heart skipped a beat. I answered the phone. My hands were shaking. The person on the other end said "this is Lacee from Great Wall China Adoption". I let out a sigh and said "I know, I've been expecting your call". My head was spinning. I was holding the typed questions I had memorized and wanted to ask. But there were no words on the paper. Everything was a blurr. Then I heard her say "I'm looking at your beautiful baby girl...I let out a gasp and she continued "and her beautiful twin sister". I didn't think I heard her right. "Did you say twins"? Oh my g-d. Seven months old?! I couldn't think straight. I was thinking who will I call first? She said she was e-mailing their referral picture. And then their they were. They were the most perfect, beautiful little girls I could have asked for. They were mine. I couldn't stop saying "Oh my g-d they're huge", they are so big." They were healthy! I asked if she had called Jeff and she said she had, but he told her not to tell him any details but to call me as I would want to be the first to know. Naturally. As always Jeff thinking of me. Then the shock set in. Two. Two of everything. We had one bed and a friend was letting us borrow it. That was it.

We spent all evening on the phone calling family and friends. My neighbors threw a baby shower that would put most bridal showers to shame. Champagne, chocolate fountain. They bought everything. Literally everything.

If you asked me did we expect to be matched with twins I would have to tell you "not at all". Were we surprised. Damn straight! Were we excited? Beyond belief. Life is not anything what it once was but I would not trade what I have for anything in this big wide world. I feel like the luckiest woman on this earth. I have great kids, and I have a husband that is truly out of this world and I have her.

So, there you have it..... that's my careful for what you ask for your wishes just may come true. Mine have. You ask, do I remember? I'll never forget. For the record she was right. She always is. For the record if you are lucky enough to know someone like her count your blessings. Thank you sweet friend.

Enjoy pictures of my babies. It doesn't get much cuter than this.