self-reflection of a mother

I remember reading this talk a while back, titled, "Good, Better, Best".

AMAZing words of wisdom.

I've read it so many times, yet still seem to forget it.

I'm a stay at home Mom, of 3 little ones. I get to stay home, make my own schedule (minus my sleeping schudule....the kids seem to dominate that one), yet lately, we're rarely together as a family. We're off doing "good" things, but in replace of possibly, "better" or the very "best" of things.

Balance is hard.

The last 3 weeks have been full of lots of "good" things. I've been volunteering in Tanner's classroom, trying to go to the gym again (Because I stopped working out. Completely. Once the Ragnar ended.), taking pictures for families, serving in Scouts at my church, planning and running errands for a cousins Halloween party, etc.

But by the end of last week, I was full of guilt. I was a "stay-at-home mom" that was gone all the time. I started noticing a difference in Elle. The way her eyes would look at me when I handed her off to someone else. It was a look of defeat. She'd given up hoping she'd be with me. She'd realized even if she put up a fight, I'd give her away anyway.

I was away from my kids 26 hours last week. What!?

I realize that I am so incredibly blessed to stay home. And so many other mamas would LOVE to stay home if the circumstances allowed. So why am I throwing it away? Throwing it away for a part-time job of being "busy".

I'm not meaning to sound dramtic and I'm most definitely NOT throwing a pity party. I'm upset with myself. I have choices.

Why would I trade so many good things, for the better and best things?

My kids.

My husband.

Our family unit.

I'm done being "busy".

I choose my family.