In other news . . . I have a lover

He has soulful brown eyes.  He is totally devoted to me and follows me wherever I go, listening with rapt attention to whatever I say.  He gets jealous when I try to kiss others. I think it's time I introduced you to my new man: Benny.
I love his dark brindle coat, his stocky build, and his big, blocky head.  His breath smells like a rotting carcass topped with fresh vomit but hey, nobody's perfect.  Poor hygiene is no reason to reject a fella.

The only other stumbling block in our relationship: his steadfast refusal to seek gainful employment. It's okay, though.  I'll get a second job if I have to so that we can be together. He is staying with me until he proposes or gets adopted, whichever comes first.

Our love cannot be denied.