Well....we've been surviving. Day after day, I am still amazed at these women who have 5+ kids and still function properly. I don't get it. I am so grateful for all of my blessings...I know I have 3 beautiful healthy children, a wonderful husband, I get to stay home, we have the gospel and much much more. But, I'm still barely hanging in there.

Everything was great when my Mom was here, then my incision got infected, then I broke a tooth (picture Crystal on Idol this year), I got Mastitis and the whole family got the flu. As in the throw-up, vomiting all night/all day flu. Loads of fun. Now? Each of us has a cold. We all cough up green mucous daily and poor little Elle can barely breath through her snot-filled nose. But when people ask how I'm doing, I try to say "great" because really, it sounds like I'm a flipping hypochondriac.

It's always been like this after babies. With Tanner, 9 weeks of an episiotomy that split back open and refused to heal, ending up in getting silver nitrate treatments at a surgeon. He got thrush, I got thrush, he was allergic to milk, which was in my breastmilk, threw up blood and never EVER slept. Kate was a great baby, but she got RSV and was hospitalized when she was 18 days old. Then she got to wear this breathing monitor on her chest for 4 months that would sound off if she stopped breathing.

I have often wondered why people say they love the newborn phase. I think it's horrible. I love my newborn and she's absolutely perfect, but living on no sleep which causes the cycle of getting sick over and over, dealing with 2 other emotional children, one of which is extremely jealous, all while trying to heal isn't fun. And then the guilt. The guilt that you aren't spending enough time with your kids, that they watch way to much tv and eat crap because that's about all you can do. It's miserable. That's why I just don't get how people that have lots of children deal with this AND school-age children...running them around to school, soccer and doing homework at night. How in the world do they do it?

Lastly, one of my favorite things about the aftermath of having a baby, is how your body looks. Nothing fits. Normal clothes, maternity clothes or bigger sizes. Your body is in this funky odd post-pregnant shape. Last night Shad, Elle and I were at Home Depot, when a man looked at my stomach and asked, "Do you know what your next one is going to be? Boy or girl?" Great for my self-esteem.

I really am grateful for all I have. I think of the single Moms out there doing the same thing I'm doing but alone with financial worries to add to it, or Moms that have to go right back to work, or Moms who have husbands without jobs to add into the mix, Moms that have sick children...I mean really sick/ill where you can't stop worrying about them, or the Moms that get severe post-partum and don't even want to live. There are women out there who lose baby after baby, or can't get pregnant and live think and breath about having there own children someday. I know I have it good. And I'm grateful. I'm just really tired. And everything is worse when your tired. I keep reminding myself that at 6 months things are so much better. Where your head is permanently above water and you can breath. I'll get there.