update on...me?

How egocentric does that sound? However, I absolutely love reading about my sisters and their lives and Danielle requested, so here goes....

I don't talk about me, because I'm a huge fat complainer. I meant "fat" as in really big complainer, but after I typed it I realized it's sort of true the other way too. I feel like a hippopotamus. Sometimes when I'm feeling down about myself, I check my backside out in the mirror to raise my self-esteem (somehow I manage to stay looking non-pregnant from behind....so I really like that angle). BUT, about 3 weeks ago, the normal picture I got in the mirror shifted. My a** is getting big. There's really no other way of putting it. When I look at my face, it's chubby. My thighs rub together. My bum sags so low that it rests on my upper thighs. My feet are gigantic as well as my tubular shaped legs. I almost always fix my hair, get dressed and put on make-up before Shad comes home...but lately, I just don't see the point. There's no way to hide what I look like. So I know this sounds really negative, but it's just the way I feel lately.

My body feels horrible. Bodies just aren't meant to have extra weight on them. I feel really bad for obese men and women. Honestly. With the added weight, everything just hurts more....joints, bones, muscles. I had this horrible pain on the bottom of my foot for two days, I vaguely remember reading about this pain that happens on the bottom of your foot when you get too large. Another thing....it's really really hot. I feel so bad for women who get hot flashes. And I feel really bad for Lillie who is just constantly hot. It's horrible. It's 66 degrees in our house at night, Shad is under a down blanket and quilt, and I have no covers or sheet on me. If I dare to put something on top of me, I wake up all sweaty. I can't walk to the store that is 1/2 block away without getting contractions and feeling like my insides are going to fall right on the ground.

And then there's the part I'm not saying....that I eat horrible. It's no wonder I'm so large. I ate my normal meals today, as well as an insane amount of treats.

I'm sick. The kids and I have had colds for a week and a half now. We can't breath or think straight. I already feel like pregnancy has depleted numerous brain cells and now I have a cold that multiplies the feeling.

See why I don't blog about myself? I'm so negative. I know I have soooo much to be grateful for and I AM, but to really blog honestly, this all must be included.

Then there's the part about totally and completely NOT feeling like this is the last baby. There's another one out there. So knowing that I'm going to be feeling like this all over again in the future, just isn't super comforting. (to my dear sisters who haven't been pregnant before....the first baby wasn't like this at all, I actually enjoyed being pregnant. The second was more uncomfortable but I still liked being pregnant. This one...well...it's worse)

The kids do not nap anymore. At all. Period. Yet, they still consistently get up at 5:30am. I do not like to wake up when it is still pitch black outside with stars in the sky. It just doesn't feel right. It reminds me of seminary days and I thought those days were over.

I try to put the positive stuff about the kids on here. I mean they're going to read it someday. But honestly, Kate is a monster lately. I don't understand what has happened to her. She is constantly yelling at me and cussing me out in two-year old language. The other day she glared at me and said under her breath, "you're a cootie rat". What?? I asked her what that was and if she was saying it to me and she just glared at me in silence. She has said it to me two more times since then. And where in the world did she get that name?? We played the game "Cooties" that day and they watched part of "Ratatouille" so I guess she just combined a couple of the words?? YET, she still insists that I do everything for her. Sometimes I just want a break from her, and I'll hear her yelling at Shad, "No, I want my Mom to do it."

I avoid most phone calls because I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't want to see anyone or do anything I don't have to do. Selfish. I know.

My hero through all of this? Shad. He's been an angel lately. Seriously. He's so understanding and when he's home he does EVERYTHING with the kids (at least that Kate will allow him to). He took down all of our Christmas decorations for the 9th year in a row, without me helping. He just does it without being asked and puts all the boxes back in the garage, perfectly organized. And we have A LOT of Christmas decorations. He takes me out on a date every single Friday night, without fail. Dinner, movie, shopping, whatever I want. I eat 3 times the amount of food he does, right in front of him, and he doesn't say a word. I complain and he listens after he's worked his 12 hour day. Hours will go by and I'll think, "wow, I didn't even ask him how his day went." He's amazing.

So that's me. I remember now why I haven't been posting about myself.

And no need to feel sorry for me. I've got that covered.