Breakin' the law, breakin' the law (with apologies to Judas Priest)

I did the unthinkable yesterday. In fact, I'm not even sure it's legal. I bought white pants. More specifically, white denim capris (what? they were on sale!). After I got them home, I realized they were perhaps a bit too reminiscent of "Dirty Dancing" for comfort.

I've been avoiding white pants my entire life, mostly because of a girl named Honelore. I remember her last name, too, but I'll keep it to myself. And yes, that was her real first name, though I might be off on the spelling. In junior high, Honelore got her period one day. While wearing white pants. And apparently, she failed to notice for quite a while. The whole school knew about it before lunchtime and her name went down in infamy. I tucked that little lesson away in my brain. White pants = bad.

The other problem with white pants is, of course, the fact that they are not slimming. At all. So why did I purposely buy an optical ass enlarger? That, my friends, is the question.