"Here, take mine, take mine".....

Would you ask your child to give his/her life for you?! Take a bullet for you? How do you sell something like this to your child? "Honey, I was thinking, you know your dad and I didn't give much thought to your college education while we were getting high so we were thinking maybe you could sign up for the military". "You know see the world and as a bonus get an education". "Free". That is providing he/she doesn't come home in a body bag. Who in their right mind would encourage their child to sign up for a death wish?! Who I ask? Would he?! Of course not. He's planning a wedding. But he wants the young to believe they are fighting for the cause. Do they even know what they're signing up for? Or what they're fighting for? I'm sure they glam it up, but no, it's his personal cause. After all he was an oil man way before he was (sic) our Commander in Chief. I use that term loosely. Of course it's in his best interest to protect his stake. Don't get me wrong. I believe we need a military, just not for this war. I'm sick and tired of his bull shit. I am sick of this fucking stupid war and frankly I am pissed about the ever increasing gas prices. This is not just about the truck drivers. This effects all of us. When will it stop? Sixty dollars to fill my gas tank this evening and it's a sedan not some gas guzzling SUV or mini van. We are looking at trading my big black sedan for a Hybrid. What are you doing? How much money do the oil company's need to make to be profitable? Nine. Billion. Dollars?! Do their CEO's need to earn one million dollar salaries plus stock options with golden parachute clauses when we have people living far below the poverty line or wondering how their going to pay their rent. I know for some of you none of this matters. But it does matter. What will it take? I know from experience we can expect to see air fare increasing and only affordable to the super mega rich. Not the upper middle class. I'm talking the super uber duber rich. Food prices sky rocketing to the point where families are forced to scale back to the bare bones. The elderly who are living on a fixed incomes being forced to decide whether to purchase food or medication. Asking themselves "do I starve to death or run the risk of having a heart attack"? What about the young and those who aren't earning a six figure income? Huh? This is a situation that has gone terribly wrong. And the stimulus relief? What a laugh. People will not be putting that money back in to the economy. Hell no. As the news reporters are reporting nightly they're using that money to pay their bills! Congress needs to take action. What are they waiting for? A paralyzed nation?! I'm fed up. Are you?

Flash: Just so as I don't come off as a total hypocrite, yes we do drive an SUV. We bought it before we brought the girls home. it was for the girls. Had to be something this mommy would be seen in. You all know how I hate (really hate) mini vans of any kind. I don't get them at all. But we bought the SUV (we've always had an SUV) to haul the chicks in. Although I love it and it's is not one of those mother jumpers that you can't see around on the highway, I think her time with us is short lived too. We will probably be trading her in for something more "green" friendly and "gas" friendly. AND, no, I will not be buying a mini van! EV-AH.

Lasik, Word Verification, Blurb

Lasik. I am getting my eyes lasered today @3pm. Yay! I am more than ready. Shad keeps asking me if I'm nervous, and I'm really not. The only thing I worry about is if there happens to be an earthquake in the middle of my surgery while the laser is working on my eyeball. That would totally suck. Very unlikely though.

Word Verification. You know, it's always really annoyed me when I have to do this on other people's blogs when I comment. But now I have added that feature to mine, because I get these crazy, somewhat naughty comments from a girl named, "Cor". I delete them as soon as I see them, but it's still creepy.

Blurb. We got a new computer last week and I was finally able to make a book out of my blog. With our old computer I tried and tried, but I just couldn't get it to work. My pictures wouldn't come up, the system would shut down, it was slower than molasses, etc. We got our new computer and voila, I made the book in a couple of days. I am way excited.

The Wonderful World of Play-Doh

Danielle's Visit

We all just fell in love with Danielle and Clay. The kids couldn't get enough of Clay. Kate would just plop herself right on his lap where ever he was and Tanner was contsantly wanting to play with him. It was so cute to watch.

We went swimming, out to dinner, on a picnic, played at the park and watched movies. It was fun to have them and Tanner was about in tears 20 minutes after they left. They had barely left our house when he wanted to call them. After he got off the phone he said, "I not be sad anymore. I be happy." Sorry Amy, you now have some competition.

The story continues...

The girls were sleeping. We still had hours ahead of us before we were snuggled soundly in our own beds. Although we had a great time I was tired and ready to get home. I had missed sweet thing. I missed Mag's too. As the music played my mind wandered back to the summer of 1976. The Bee Gee's were playing. I grinned. G-d, I could still remember it as if it were yesterday. It was me and T. back then. It was always me and T. She was the most beautiful friend I had ever had. Back then, I was a bit homely awkward and hadn't really blossomed yet. All naturale in the day! Still wearing braces and aviator glasses. I looked like a cross between Steve McQueen, Adam Ant and a giant bug. Hot. And if that wasn't enough I was quite ignorant innocent when it came to the male beast. True. Seriously. Anyway, I think if there ever was a girl crush this was it. I simply adored her. No. I Idolized her. She didn't know how hot she was even with guys tripping over themselves to talk to her. There couldn't have been a sweeter more genuine person. Ev-ah. We were inseparable. We biked back and forth to one another's home almost daily, which was well over 10 miles one way!! We would pedal (that's right on a bicycle!) all over town wearing nothing more than short shorts and bathing suit tops. No wonder we had great legs. It never failed however when she spent the night at my house we were always (I mean always) out of toilet paper. What family with five girls ever runs out of toilet paper? My mom was notorious for forgetting the paper on her weekly shop! Even with a list. We use to tease when we ran out that "T. must be coming". I snorted out loud as I recall the evening we tapped in to her dads liquor cabinet and how we giggled till we pee'd ourselves with our silly talk. G-d that was some nasty shit. it did taste better the more we drank. My fondest memory would be how we practiced diligently for drill team try-outs for weeks only to discover only one of us would win. She was after all the better dancer. But I was still crushed. I wanted this to be something we did together. And the night we ran up and down Cherry Bottom Road (yeah I swear that was the name) stark ass naked for no other reason than a silly dare. We would take off running as we tore our clothes off laughing and squealing hysterically ducking behind the trees at the slightest rumbling of a car coming. All you could see were the teeny weeny white tan lines of our bathing suits and hear the laughter four states away. There was that time when the car snuck up on us. We took of running only to realize the car was pulling in her lane! We barely crawled beneath the covers --still undressed where we heard her dads key in the door. Shit, our hearts were pounding. We were so almost busted. We both just cracked up. I loved more than anything spending all my free time at her house. Not only did she have this awesome home filled with gorgeous antiques, but her parent's were the most handsome couple I'd ever met. They both exuded such sex appeal. It was so easy to be around them. And her brother was simply adorable. Even at five or six years younger than us. Her dad was a dead ringer for Clark Gable and had this super cool inspector job. I thought it was so funny when T. would share stories of his inspecitins at the local "peep shop". And her mother might as well have been an identical twin of Connie Stevens. Smoking ass hot. I can't remember what her mom did but I'd like to believe that she had some big executive job. I still giggle the time T. and I were snooping found pictures of her mom and her best friend posing in some pretty provocative poses and if memory serves me they were covered with nothing more than a large beach hat! We laughed our silly asses off. I thought at that very moment her mom was and couldn't possibly be any cooler. She never judged. EVER. She always called everyone "kid" it was just her way. She allowed her kids to work things out for themselves, but she was always there for them. When T. told me her mom and dad were getting divorced I think I cried harder. I thought they would always be together and T. and I were going to be best friends forever. T. had the most amazing relationship with her mom. It was no surprise that when T. had her own daughter they too would have a close loving relationship. Her mother had done well. I'd always said if I had kids I hoped I had the same kind of relationship with my kids. I have been thinking about her a lot lately and have wondered why or how we allowed space to come between us. Sure, we both got married years ago. And divorced. And re-married. I know I've moved around and probably have made it difficult keeping up with. We're still friends, but I miss what we once had. I hope you know "kid" I will always love you. No matter what. I hope to grow up to be just like you...... Stay tuned the story continues....

What would you do???

While I'm busy writing my memoirs, heres one to ponder.....

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again. WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan). WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house. WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep? WIFE: Would you let her drive my car? HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new. WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers? HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs? HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed. WIFE: - silence - - --- - - - - - - HUSBAND: F*ck ....................... ha ha ha ha.......so busted!

Picture Post

Just to update, I got my varicose veins taken care of last Friday, and everything went really well. After 6 weeks, I will take an "after" picture and show you all. I would post a pic now, but there are basically massive bruises up and down my right leg from all of the shots. Not super attractive. I also get to wear a thigh-high support hose on my right leg for 6 weeks. It is the color of a prosthetic limb. It is also very attractive. All joking aside, everything is great with my leg and we are hoping the pain and itching will be gone after the initial 6 weeks.

My youngest sister, Danielle, is coming to visit tomorrow with her husband. We are soooo excited for them to come and visit. We are going to make their visit as dreamlike as possible, in hopes that they will move out here when they graduate. They will probably think we are just being nice, but really I have major ulterior motives. I would LOVE to have family live nearby.

Here are some random pictures of the kids from these last couple of weeks:


Tanner always gets a sucker if he lets me clip his fingernails. Kate has finally caught on and now she demands one too.


I really wanted to take some pictures of Kate in this, but she did NOT want to be wearing that huge tutu. She was so mad at me. I shot three pictures, all of which looked like this, and gave up.


Tanner ed this hat off of shelf and Target and wore it all through the store that day. We ended up buying it and he absolutely loves it. We bought Kate a red one, but she doesn't like wearing hers.



I don't remember what happened here, but if I had to guess, Tanner probably took away a toy.


Tanner gives an all new meaning to "licking the bowl".


He just can't quite get enough, so he has to shove his whole head in the bowl.

The Shoebox..

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had Shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no Secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe Box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not Recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, " my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness."Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

A Prayer.......

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;And Patience for his moods;

Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.

I nearly pee'd myself!!!

Why I love them soooo..

The girls were dining tonight on "awfuls" (translation waffles-their request too!) loving every bite smacking and licking their littles lips as if it were their last meal when I said:

Me: "Girls, we're gonna take a bath tonight, you're filthy"!

Katie: Nodding her head in agreement and says "Yeah, and wash my hair".

Me: "That's right baby girl".

Abbey: Smiling (and never one to disappoint) "And wash my dirty butt"!

Me: All I could do to not crack up. "That's right Abbey, momma's gonna wash your dirty butt".

Gotta love my little "mommy me's"! `


My little "hurricanes" keep me on my toes. They love their video's and I think Cars has now bumped Cinderella to second place. Whew, there is a g-d! lol. We were watching Cars the other night for the uptenth time that evening when Abbey said "Mommy, mommy, that's mommy". I looked up and she was pointing at the telly and shouting "mommy". That's right. She thinks I'm Sally (the porsche) from Cars!!! What's funnier that's the car I drove before my two little hurricanes! lol.. They know! Of course they also think their daddy is Dr. Phil!!! Umm, not only is he BALD but he's also almost a foot taller than my baby...... my girls are so confused.....

We've been tagged:

How did you meet your spouse? In the old BYU library, 3rd floor, in the main area, 2 weeks into my freshman year. Shad sat down next to me and somehow walked away with my number.

Where did you go on your first date? Park City, some snowboarding show and then hot chocolate. Toward the end of the evening, we ran across the street on the ice, he grabbed my hand and he says to this day that he felt tingles when he touched my hand.

How long have you been together? Next week week we will have been married 8 years.

Who eats more? Real food, Shad. Treats, me.

Who said I love you first? Shad. About 2 hours later, I said it back.

Who is taller? Shad

Who sings better? Definitely me. However I'm not that great, so I'm not sure what that says about Shad.. .. sorry hon.

Who is smarter? We may have been even at one point, but I swear to you that bearing children depletes brain cells, so I'd have to say Shad is smarter.

Who does the laundry? Usually....no one. Then about every 3 weeks, I do all of it. What a horrible habit.

Who does the dishes? Before kids, Shad did them every night. What a man!!! Now that we have kids, he plays with them while I do the dishes.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Shad

Who pays the bills? Shad. He waits until the very last minute to pay the bills, so he can make interest on our money as long as possible. He doesn't trust that I will wait long enough to pay the bills, while still getting them in on time. The way he pays bills is truly an art form.

Who mows the lawn? We finally just hired someone and it just eats at Shad that it's no longer immaculate. When Shad did it, he spend HOURS on Saturdays edging, weeding, planting new plants, testing the sprinklers, etc. Now it doesn't look as nice, BUT he spends more time with us.

Who cooks dinner? me

Who drives when you are together? Shad. He thinks he is such a better driver than me. However, he treats stop lights as stop signs, and stop signs as yield signs. I am not exaggerating one bit and he still thinks he's a better driver than me. But just to let you know, he got pulled over last night for completely blowing through a stop sign. The lucky son of gun got pulled over by our neighbor though, so he didn't get a ticket.

Who is more stubborn? Neither. He's not at all. I try but don't last more than 10 minutes and then he makes me laugh.

Who is the first to admit when they’re wrong? How is this even a question? Do men ever think they are wrong?

Who kissed who first? Shad tried and tried. Finally after 1 year and 2 months, he succeeded.

Who proposed? Shad

Who is more sensitive? Both.

Who has more friends? Probably Shad. Everyone loves Shad. He's very easy to get along with and nice to everyone, except maybe Mark and Ross.

Who has more siblings? Me.

Who wears the pants? I wish this were even, but probably me. Not in a bossy way, but more of a gentle persuasion. = )

I tag: All of the women in my family: Mom, Bec, Lindsay, Meg, Amy, Danielle and Grandma

Michael Johns

Alright, I know my blogs are always about my kids and family, but for once I am going to blog about something else. I loved Michael Johns. How in the world did he get booted off tonight?? He has an incredible voice and is so humble. I was shocked that he got kicked off. I honestly don't understand. This is my first season watching American Idol and I never really understood the hype or how people got so attached to certain people, but tonight I get it. It's been a sad evening.

Revealing a piece of my soul...

We were driving home from Ohio a couple of weeks ago, the girls were in the back singing at the top of their lungs, when I had an epiphany. One of those uh-ha moments. I couldn't shake the image. I started thinking about my past and the people who have touched my life. We all have one and I've never hidden mine. I realized at that very moment that I never wanted to forget any of the details of my life, down to my "first" love . It was after all part of who I was today. Today I will peel away some of the layers and share with you who I am and how I got here. I'll share a piece of my heart....Grab a glass of wine this could take a while......

I always knew had no idea what I wanted for as long as I can recall. I giggled at the thought of him, my first love to as if it were yesterday. He could bring me to my knees just with a flash of his smile. I swear I would nearly melt right there on the floor. He had the most gorgeous eyes and movie star good looks. G-d. I. Knew. He. Was. The.One. I was in love. The first kiss. The one that would leave me breathless and panting for more. And that body. Ahhhh, the body. He was my first. I loved him so deeply. Well, so I thought. We dated for a year maybe longer. But then things started to changed. What I had found so endearing were now plain annoying. I didn't want or need him telling me what to do, but I didn't know how to get rid of him. I didn't want to hurt him. Fortunately for me, we moved. And far away. I knew there was no future with him. Ev-er. Not that he didn't want it. I think he thought we would be forever and ever. I could not see me spending my life with him.( I was much to young to be thinking of forever!) He had no plans or his future. So I broke up with him with the excuse that it would be impossible to date long distance. He cried like a baby. I remember looking at him and feeling so sorry for him. He looked so weak at that moment. I turned and walked away never to look back. This would become a pattern for me over the years. When things got "edgy" I would throw in the towel. It was easier to let them go then try to explain that they just weren't right for me. To be continued........

Note: I haven't seen "him" in years.....(like almost 30!) and have know idea what ever became of him.....When I broke up with him I moved on in my heart...I imagine he is still a looker. He was such a nice guy.

Finally..............

My heart is bursting with joy and at the same time breaking. Why? Our dear friends and neighbors just received their referral for their beautiful baby girl. Two. Years. Later. I know you're all probably thinking, yeah, that's about right. Wrong. They were supposed to be given priority. Why? She is a Chinese National and her family lives in Shanghai. Did they get priority? No. Did they ever get frustrated? No? Did they ever had an unkind word to say about their agency? No. (I don't know how she did it-- I was a basket case) Did they ever say a cross or negative thing about China? No. They are few words. Why? Because instead of celebrating today they will be burying S's father who died the day after they received their referral. What's more heart breaking his father will never know the little lady she will become. He never had a chance to hold her. To laugh with her. To love her. Words do not express my sympathy for them but at the same time I am so excited that I will be a part of her little life. Katie and Abbey are so excited to have a little baby to play with who was also born in China! She is from Jiangxi Province. C. & S. we love you so much.....

The Raise

Warning: Adult comedy. Proceed at your own risk.

The Raise

The Day the Penis Asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely, P. Niss

The Response:

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,

the administra tion rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders

of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area

and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be

pressured and stimulated in order

to start working.

You leave the workplace rather

messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary

safety regulations, such as wearing

the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated

work area before you have completed

the assigned task. And if that were not

all, you have been seen constantly

entering and exiting the workplace

carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, BR V. Gina

Update

1. The kids are constantly fighting over Shad. He gets home, and they both want him to carry them, hold them, sit on his lap, etc. It used to be just Tanner that would try to push Kate off Shad's lap, but now Kate does the same thing!!! They both want to be the only one on his lap. It's cute for me to watch, but I think it sort of stresses Shad out. He's always saying, "How do people have more kids Liz?"


2. Tanner's been hanging out with his new little friend, Jaden. They play really well together. They get into mischief, but are so cute that it's hard to get upset with them.



3. Shad and I have decided that from now on, we have to buy Tanner and Kate the exact same things for presents. They always want what the other kid has. I swear we need two of everything. (obviously we are trying to teach them to share, but Kate's a little young to grasp that concept)


4. Kate throws fits now. What a bummer.


5. Once in a while, Kate will crawl in this cupboard and read books. It is so cute.


6. Tanner sleeps through the night all by himself. This really deserves a post of it's own. If you don't know the story, I will give a quick run-down. 1 1/2 years ago, Tanner stopped sleeping through the night. It would take him literally 2 hours to fall asleep even though he would be tired. We had to lay with him to get him to fall asleep and he would wake up anywhere from 5-25 times a night and couldn't go back to sleep. He would toss and turn, trying really hard to fall asleep and it just wouldn't work. At one point we let him cry it out for 2 full weeks without going in and he literally cried all night long without falling asleep (I am not exaggerating). About once a night he would dose off standing up, and then fall over immediately and wake up screaming again. We had a videocam and watched the whole thing. It was horrible. After 2 weeks, we felt sick about it and realized something just wasn't right. I read articles, books, talked to numerous doctors, tried homeopathics, a psychiatrist, prayed about it, fasted about it, gave priesthood blessings, etc. Eventually we got sick of going back and forth all night long from his room to ours, so one of us would sleep with him. So, long story short, it's been 1 1/2 years of Shad or I sleeping with Tanner in his bed all night long, or Tanner sleeping in our bed. It's been literally 24 hours a day of Tanner. We are with him every waking moment and it's exhausting. It's not meant to be like that. Shad and I missed each other all the time and never had a moment without Tanner right there with us. I know people judged us, told us that we just needed to let him cry it out, show him who's boss, be more stubborn than him, that it wasn't right Shad and I weren't in the same bed at night, etc. People just assumed that we must have let him sleep with us as a baby, put him down with a bottle, nursed him to sleep, rocked him to sleep, etc. No to all of those. We followed every stupid rule you're supposed to follow to get your child to sleep by themselves, and it didn't work for us. Finally about a month ago, we both felt like he was there developmentally to understand if we talked to him about sleeping by himself again. There were a lot of tears and bribery involved, but it worked and now Tanner sleeps all by himself in his room and does not get up in the middle of the night. It's been 7 days so far, and we're hoping it will continue. We are so proud of him. It's been like a vacation for Shad and I. We get 2 hours all by ourselves at night without children. It's wonderful and Shad and I became closer and kinder to one another overnight. Just being able to have a conversation without interruptions can do wonders for a marriage. = )

One thing I have learned is not to judge other people. Every family is different, every kid is different. One thing doesn't work for every child and I really believe in a parent's own instinct. Thank you for all of your prayers.

7. I got a new camera lens and I love it. It's a f/1.4 prime lens . Basically it allows you to take pictures in low light without a flash. It captures all the light available, but at a really fast speed, so the pictures turn out more natural looking. It also does the whole focus subject with fuzzy background thing. If you look at the above examples, those are inside my house with my old lens. They were either taken with the flash, or completely lightened up in a photo editing program. The ones below are with my new lens, and completely unedited. Can you see all of the amazing natural light it captures?!!! The pictures are of Tanner, Sia, and Sia's little sister, Mila (Lillie's little s).



8. Tanner is a greedy little thing. This morning I was changing his poopy diaper for the second time before 7:40am, and I said to him, "You know, if you want you could go on the toilet and then I wouldn't have to change you and you would get a sucker." He was quiet for a moment and said, "and cookies." Silence for another moment, and then he said, "and money." Silence for another moment and then he said, "and candy." I stopped him at that point before he got too carried away. The little stinker.

Kate is Walking!!!

Overnight, Kate started walking. It is the cutest thing I have ever seen. She is this little cute thing, with rolls on her legs, tons of hair, walking all over the place and I love it.




I know I haven't posted in a while. I just haven't had time. I will catch up another day. Love and miss you all.

Crazeeee

It's been one of those crazy kind of weeks. Crazy like ha-ha and not crazy like funny. Here's a little sneak pre-view on some of the moments that made me say "wtf"?

What I heard next was "Well, you're dry... and severely dry"... wtf was he saying. "Silicone"... thinking to myself been down that route..... "Plugs".....hmmm... what was he talking about? Was he looking at my eyes? Not dry "down there" my eye-balls you goof. They are so dry that I am literally scratching the cornea every time I blink. I went the the doctor's the other day (with the twins in tow) because I thought I was going blind . Well, I am legally blind, but I thought my eye sight was deteriorating over night. I was literally counting the steps to the bathroom in the dark preparing for the day my world went dark. Plus my right eye has been a mass of redness for a month. I squint terribly to read street signs and I don't dare go anywhere at night. I am unable to read bumper stickers or the car in front of me that I am nearly making love to. I discovered not only do I have a astigmatism but my prescription had changed drastically from a year ago. The good doc wanted me to think about having punctual plugs permanently inserted. He promised that it would be painless and I wouldn't need to use Artificial Tears the rest of my life. Sounds like an easy solution.

S.T. receives a package in the mail the other day. A small package. Really small package. What do you suppose was inside? Vitamins. But not just any vitamins. Now he takes vitamins. I don't. These were special vitamins. Cobra. Sexual. Energy. Vitamins. Hmmm, I don't know if he ordered these for him, or for me! My idea of sex these days is rubbing hineys as we crawl in and mumbling "goo-night".... poor s.t. We're gonna pop the seal on those babies tonight and see what happens! He said if he were to have a heart attack do not tell the paramedics he took Cobra. I would never......bwhahahaha.

I was minutes away from my hair salon babbling on the phone with my sister. The car is the only quiet place I have these days. No interruptions. Anyway my eyes quickly scans to my rear view mirror and there behind me larger than life is one of Virginia's finest . I was cool. I hadn't done anything. As the light changes I proceed with caution to turn left. Now I'm aware he's behind me, so I'm not going to do anything stupid. I even use my turn signal. Before I could even accelerate blue lights are flashing. I throw down my fone and start freaking out. I know I was NOT speeding dammit! I watch as Officer Pete (I think that's what he said his name was) saunters up to my car. WITH HIS HAND ON HIS HOLSTER. I immediately start panicking. I'm eyeing the sky expecting the police helicopter to swoop down upon me. Did he have time to access my record?! Shit. I just know he can hear my heart pounding as he steps closer to the car. I smile at weakly at him my eye starts twitching. Oh, great. Thank g-d I was wearing my sun glasses! He says "ma'am, (oh that's nice, make me feel really old!) the reason I pulled you over is because your tags are expired". Without missing a beat I respond (in my best Valley Girl voice) "no way, my husband takes care of the tags" as I'm reaching for phone to call s.t.. He looks at me stoically as if I was lying and says "the DMV has no record of you re-newing. As me and officer Doo-right are searching through ALL of my registrations we find 2006, 2007 and 2008 but no 2009! I would think he would have surmised that there clearly was a pattern here..... But still I was waiting for the cameras from "COPS" to show up as I was being carted me off to jail. BUT, he didn't cart me off, instead he gave me a ticket and asked me to sign a statement admitting my guilt. "Wtf"? I didn't do anything wrong. I clearly could see how this was going down. We were going to have a pissing match and I was going to admit my guilt in exchange for 10-20 without parole. I would be doing hard time with the likes of serial killers. I contemplated not signing but wondered how long he would hold me up. I was now late for my beauty treatment and my blood pressure was up. I guess 9:15a.m. would be to early for drink. *sigh*

Funny how since my girls arrival my life no longer revolves around me. I know my uptown girls would be aghast at what I use to shampoo and conditioning my golden mane with, but hell I don't really care. I love it and it's cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap I tell you. Anyway, I was in dire need of a little "touch-up". I've kept my dirty blond a pretty pale blond for more years than I can remember. But I was a bit miffed when I received the bill for my "partial" highlights and the bill was nearly what I pay for the deluxe! Needless to say I disputed the charges and I told them in a nice way that I never expected to pay that much for a 1/2 treatment! She quickly checked with my hair dresser who reduced the price by $40.00 stat. something about not wanting to loose me as a customer. Ummm- I smell a funny. It's a good thing, cuz she wasn't going to get a tip if she didn't! I know she is use to her trust fund ladies (who live on 20k a month+fh=bottomless pit) who never question what she charges them. But that's not me! Made me sad that she would try to take advantage of me. I've been a loyal customer for a long time.

S.T. let our cleaning lady go after over a year with her. I don't know why but it upset me more than I think it did her. Of course we didn't tell her it was because she sucked as a cleaning lady. He made up some shit about us traveling for the next couple of months. Like we do that. lol....I asked him if he was sure she understood that we wouldn't be needing her any longer. He assured me that she did. I said, "do you think she was relieved when you told her"? He looked at me and said "yeah, I do"! We both laughed our asses off. Our new housekeeper started the very next week. She charged us double to clean the house the first time because it was so filthy (I should be embarrassed. right?) and she and her partner were here over 5 hours. That was a tough one to swallow. But this past week s.t. said she was only here just barely 4 hours. Progress. The house now smells and looks clean again.

Notice: Some of you have asked about the darling T's (they are NOT onesies) the girls are wearing. I did a wine party a week or so ago for the DC Metro Moms and a local mom/blogger was there with her wares. Apparantley she rubs elbows with the rich and famous. AND I ain't talking about the "wannabe rich" I'm talking the uber-duber super rich! Hollywood style. Check out her site at http://babybrewing.com/mommy-needs/. Just a word of caution other than you're gonna go wild and shoot your wad on her stuff--the adult lady man beaters run small. I ordered a medium (cuz that's what size I wear) and I look like Dolly Parton stuffed into a size 0! So some lucky super tiny (you know who you are) will be receiving in the mail.......