Mine eyes have seen the gl . . . nothing

I've been having trouble with my right eye for the past six weeks or so. The gift of sight is not overrated, let me tell you.

My optometrist informed me during my annual exam last October that I would probably need bifocals eventually. Bifocals! I thought bifocals were the last stop before support hose and a wash-n-set hairdo. However, I can't help but notice that I am probably drifting in that direction. I find that when I am, say, reading a book and then attempt to look at the time on a wall clock, my eyes say, "Hang on a second, we'll get you the time. Seriously, hold your horses. What is your hurry, lady?!" And then finally, "Okay, it's 7:05." My eyes definitely aren't shifting easily between near and far anymore.

So, I was expecting to have increasing issues with the near/far thing, but what I didn't anticipate was for one eye to go all wonky without my consent. When I wake up in the morning, my right eye sometimes seems fine, but then my vision deteriorates as the day goes on. I've been getting headaches pretty regularly, too. I finally gave in and made an appointment with my optometrist and went after work today.

I told Dr. K what's been going on. He instructed me to sit in the chair and then we played the "this one/that one" game for a little while. I began to feel vaguely alarmed when no setting seemed to improve the vision in my wonky eye. He squirted some dye against my cornea and then ran a few more tests. The diagnosis? My eye is so dry that it is compromising my vision. And why is my eye dry? "This is common once you turn . . . forty." Waaaaaaah!

He sent me home with a new pair of contacts (some type that are meant to combat this type of situation) and a bunch of vials of artificial tears. I have to go back in two weeks to have my pupils dilated so that Dr. K can get a closer look at the back of my eyes. He doesn't think there is anything structurally or monumentally wrong, though.

When I got home, I called my mom. "My optometrist says I'm old," I told her. "So I don't know what that makes you and Pop. Older, I guess."

"Oh, I don't think so," she replied. "I'll run some numbers and get back to you."

And people wonder how I got to be such a smartass.