Stunned

Yesterday at work, two of my co-workers were let go. We were a very small web development team - just five people. The President of the company was relieved of duty in July, and two more team members were lost yesterday. Now there are just two of us. More of a duo than a team, I guess.

This is the first time the sinking economy has had such a major impact on my life. The shareholders are looking to sell the company and I will probably lose my job when the company is sold. They want me to hang in there until then. An old friend posted condolences on my Facebook page and mentioned "survivor's guilt." I think he was dead on. I feel terrible for my co-workers who lost their jobs and I have no idea why I was spared (at least for now).

So, I have nothing witty to say this week. Looking at my co-workers' empty desks makes me physically ill. I didn't sleep at all last night and found myself at 2:30 a.m. watching Dr. Phil episodes saved on my DVR. The dogs were confused. Is it morning, and if so, shouldn't you be feeding us? I went to the grocery store last night and felt an overwhelming desire to binge on something horrible. It's disappointing to realize that even with four years of Weight Watchers meetings behind me, I'm still :::this::: close to consoling myself with baked goods. Gluttony, thy name is brownie bites.

I feel fortunate to have a job, even though it is a job that is now almost impossible to do. This bites. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, economy.